Abbie's 3rd birthday and other events

I haven't been blogging very often lately, so I wanted to make a point to sit down and at least write a little about our week. Weeks like this have very little down time for me, which I miss but at the same time I enjoyed every part of my busyness this week. I had an opportunity to teach at church on Wed, an opportunity to sub orchestra at Fremont Jr. High on Friday, and I have had rehearsals for a concert I am playing tonight. Our family got to celebrate Abbie's birthday which was also on Friday and we are still working hard planning her ballerina party coming up on March 10. This has also been a HUGE week for Abbie as she gave up sucking her thumb.  We are on day 5 of no thumb now and we are planning to take her to Peter Piper this Thursday to celebrate!  I am not going to write much about it, cause we have been talking to her about it for at least a year, and I could probably go on forever about it, but she is really proud of herself and overall it has been a great change. She does take much longer to fall asleep now, but I think in time that will get easier for her. Timmy is starting to get his personality out a lot more and he gets SO excited anytime we go outside.  He completely LOVES it, he still isn't walking so I am really excited for when he is walking and we can do more things outside!  Abbie and I have had some interesting conversations this week.  One of them went like this, "What is your name?" says Abbie, I reply "My name is mommy." Her response, "No your name is Marget". Okay you are right my name is Margaret, but you get to call me Mommy.  We repeated this conversation a few times and then she went through the whole process again with daddy but hasn't brought it up again since then. She also just lately has been completely fascinated with weddings and wedding rings, and has used multiple items pretending they are her wedding ring and of course she has asked to wear my actual wedding ring as well. It is cute, and make me wonder what she is really thinking sometimes. The relationship between her and her brother is always something cute for me to watch.  Yesterday she started saying Timmy and I are best friends forever and then she would hug him.  She did this multiple times as well and I thought it was SO cute!! The weather has been gorgeous here outside this week even hitting the low 80's so we have really been enjoying living in AZ this week! Here are a few pictures.

As a man thinks in his heart....

God has been bringing this verse to me this past week.  As a man thinks in his heart so is he (Proverbs 23:7) Just this simple statement to me brings such deep revelations.  Much more than I have time to go into right now. Our thoughts are what creates. When I ask myself why I do the things I do, when I wasn't even thinking about doing them, it is because somewhere hidden in my heart (the unseen) there are heart thoughts about what I am doing.  For example, the light bulb in our bathroom burned out the other day and I didn't fix it immediately.  Throughout the day, I knew that the bulb was burned out in my head, but my heart obviously hadn't gotten that concept down yet because every time I went in that bathroom, what did I do, I attempted to turn the light on.  When the light wouldn't turn on, I would think to myself, why am I trying to turn it on when I know it doesn't work? That seems very stupid of me. Then it dawned on me that there went my heart otherwise known as the subconscious operating my life again. I think about how our subconscious heart is so powerful, how it basically steers the course of our life because we make most of all our decisions in life out of it.  Lately, I have been making a conscious effort to operate out of my conscious instead of my subconscious, but even as I do that, I always end up just doing things because it is in my heart to do it, without even thinking.  So then I began to wonder, what is it I really want to change if I am always going to be living out of this subconscious part of me at least for some of my day?  I realized the answer was in God's word.  (It always is, we just have to seek it out).  Romans 12:2 says, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind" The answer is to continuously put the truth of God's word into my subconscious mind or heart.  Today I was feeling a little bit of failure as a mom, as my daughter started to get a temperature, but I am choosing to not let any thoughts of failure in my mind or heart because God has said that I am made righteous through the blood of Jesus.  I will not let the enemy have any foothold to open the door.  God's word says if you submit yourself to God and resist the devil he will flee from you (James 4:7).  A lot of times as a mom the accuser can come in and accuse me that I was not good enough.  At least this happens to me sometimes, I don't know about you.  But the truth is, I am not good enough by my own works, but I am perfectly good enough through my faith in Jesus.  I am choosing to always resist this thought that I am not good enough, from here on out.  God knows my intention is to be the best wife and mom, and he knows that I live in an earthly body that does have limitations.  By no circumstances will the enemy open this door again!

Valentine's party and other happenings

Today was a great day, I got to play my violin at church and listened to an awesome word.  I love how the word transforms my mind.  I believe it is vital for moms to have this kind of support to come together and be lifted up with God.  Today I was thinking about how our role as moms compares to running a business, not just working a job.  Our life attitudes, thoughts, and beliefs vitally affect our children each day. We need to be recharged too so we can give our best to our children.  I am so thankful for my God, my family, and my friends.  Every once in a while I get this victim mindset in my head that wants this pity party and I am glad that I can leave this mindset quickly because I know it won't produce any fruit in my life.

I haven't blogged for a few days.  Abbie is starting to enjoy singing songs with me.  She has the you are my sunshine book and loves singing it with me.  She is also singing her abc's which I will have to get on video one of these days.  In 9 days it will be Abbie's 3rd birthday.  I can't believe she is growing up so fast!! We are celebrating her party of March 10th so I am busy working on party planning lately as well.  I am also getting back into playing my violin more often, playing once a month at our main campus at church and will soon be starting to play in our Scottsdale campus.  I also am playing with a professional orchestra and choir at an RV park at the end of this month.  God is really speaking to me that I need to do things that I enjoy just for me so I am going for it. Yesterday was valentines day and Nanny and Pap Pap came and visited and brought over valentines gifts for each of the kids.  Abbie had her first valentines party, her friends Violet and William hosted it and it was a ton of fun.  They got to play outside, make a valentine card gift bag, eat lunch and decorate their own valentines cookies.  Abbie had a ton of fun! Here are some pictures from the party.

In rememberance

Warning, this blog post is going to be something completely real and from my heart.  It may be a little difficult for me to write and/or read.  This coming week two years ago my mother passed away on Feb. 18 2010. I am filled with peace that she is resting in heaven right now, but I also was left with many questions on my heart. I was very sad at my mothers passing because I felt she never fully enjoyed her life. Some reasons why she never enjoyed it have been revealed to me, but others haven't and I believe it really isn't something I am supposed to know anyway. At the time she passed away my daughter wasn't even one year old yet.  I was going through so many changes in my life with being a first time mother and I had stopped teaching orchestra at an amazing school (I was basically working a dream job).  I had a desire to teach orchestra since I was in junior high and I was living it, and in my opinion I was successful at it.  Then I became a mom.  No one taught me how to be a mom.  I didn't have a degree in being a mom. And to tell the truth I didn't feel like I could look back at my own childhood for any examples.  For me living in a family where love flows freely was foreign.  I had basically dived into this whole mom thing, although I did put it off for 8 years after marrying.  But here is my opinion, you can put something off forever and all you're ever going to get out of that is a cemented lack of confidence. If you aren't sure about something, go for it and overcome it, otherwise putting it off and putting it off will only make it even harder when you eventually if ever go for it.  Just my two cents on that. Back to what I was saying, when I first became a mom I felt very depressed.  I didn't think I was any good at it and all my good friends at the time weren't parents yet so I felt very alone.  My husband must of thought I was crazy.  I went through comparing myself to every other mom that walked by, and in my book I never measured up. God was working on my heart at this point to grow in God confidence.  It is not anything I did or didn't do as a mom, but my intentions are always to me the best mom I can be. I am not going to be a mom the way other moms I was looking at were because my sets of passions and heart talents were different.  I had to get out of comparison. And now two years later am I out of it? To be honest not completely, BUT I am way better at recognizing when I get into it and calling it sin and repenting than I was before. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus and I know this in my heart.  This is the only thing that can fill me up everyday as a mom, the love God has for me.  Moms are always giving and you get to that point sometimes when you ask can I have someone to act as my mom? God has always been faithful to show his love to me when I seek him.  It says in the word if you seek him you will find him.  I have never been able to find any part of the word of God that wasn't such a simple and powerful truth.  This is why God's word is so important to me, it is life changing and it is real.  I pray daily that my life will be a reflection of how his children are to live on earth.

Back to the subject of my mom, my mom had been sick with cancer since I was in junior high so this was a very long time and the holy spirit had revealed to me when the time was nearing of her passing. This I am very thankful for. I was able to see her just a few days before she passed away and she was so peaceful about the whole thing. I will always remember her fight to live yet her peace in death. I remember her talking to me when I saw her a few days before her death about enjoying all the fun times coming up with my daughter.  We hadn't talked much about how many kids I wanted but she also mentioned how she was sure I would probably have more kids soon as well. Well she was right as I got pregnant right away after deciding not to prevent it in May of 2010.  Being my second pregnancy I was really excited to enjoy it more fully and not be so anxious about all those unknown things you have the first time. Thankfully my pregnancies have never had any complications except for with Abbie my iron was low. I did have a little more morning sickness with Timmy in the first trimester but nothing horrible. Now that Timmy is a year old I can honestly say life has flown by since his birth. Adjusting to life with two kids was a little challenge just because I am such a one on one person and I now hardly had any one on one time with each child, and the lack of sleep was way more challenging, BUT overall not a difficult life change like adjusting to life with one child was for me. I know everyone is different on this, this is just my story. My mom never got to know I was pregnant with Timmy or ever meet him, but I believe she will in heaven. My mom knew I was going to have more and it makes me smile to think how happy she would be that I have two beautiful children. When I was younger I had held a lot of resentment toward my mom and I was very thankful that I was able to work that out with her before her death. One of the biggest lessons God has taught me is that people don't intentionally try to hurt you, they are usually doing their best but don't know what or how to change what they are doing that hurts.  Hurt doesn't come from God and when we take our hurts to God he heals them and shows us how to heal our relationships. Thank you God for the wisdom you have given me, I pray I continue to grow more and more in wisdom because wisdom. As I write this out I can feel my mom smiling down on me.  As I reflect on what my mom told me to enjoy the time with my daughter I realize that was my inner struggle all along.  I didn't know how to enjoy her because I was consumed with not being a perfect mom.  Morale of the story, don't let your self doubts rob you of your life.  Jesus has overcome all our insufficiency, God let my heart sink this truth in more and more each day! I don't want to give the enemy any more power and I will chose to resist the thought that I am insufficient and I will replace it with enjoying each moment as it is because by the grace of God I am sufficient. As hard as it was to loose her, I am happy she isn't suffering any longer.  Mom you will always be in my heart and I thank you for all you did for me!

Happy Friday

Life has been busy these last two days, I always wonder when life is going to slow down, but I guess with kids it never really does. Yesterday was Abbie's jump and shout class and then we ventured to Costco after naps so our day was full of outings. I really like leaving the house but sometimes I think we should just spend more time at home. This morning we made valentines for nanny and pap pap (they are coming over to babysit tonight so my hubby and I can have a date) Woohoo!!! Here are some pics of our valentine craft this morning.

I have been working on giving Timmy more time with me while Abbie plays in her room and also giving Timmy more pack and play time. He loves his sister so much he hates to be apart from her. While I think this is good, I also think there needs to be a balance of him being confident without her. I am thankful he is feeling much better, praise God! Here are some pics of the brother and sister, so opposite yet love each other so much!!

One other thing I wanted to put in my blog today cause I thought it was funny. Timmy loves to play ball, he also loves crawling on top of one as you can see here. Happy Friday everyone!

Valentines celebrations

With valentines day approaching, we have some fun activities planned. Yesterday we made heart shaped cookies and decorated them to take to church this morning. Abbie had a lot of fun helping make them and loved eating them too. Unfortunately Timmy had a horrible day yesterday. He woke up from his nap early and couldn't fall back asleep. He was really fussy and clingy the rest of the afternoon. He is feeling better, no temp and eye has cleared up but he did just get his one year shots last week and the doctor had said it would take a week justation period, so maybe that's what is affecting him. Anyway, it made for a rough afternoon for him and an early bedtime. Praying the rest of this week is much smoother for him. Here are some pics from our cookie making event.

another day another opportunity

Today has been filled with chores, grocery shopping and some play time.  In the midst of all the busyness, my thoughts have been on many different things but one single thought that continually pops in my head is how people get what they want in life.  As a mom, one of my primary jobs is to teach fruitful thinking to my children.  When I say fruitful thinking, I mean thinking that will produce success in their life.  As I go about this job, things come up in my life that I become newly aware of.  For example, if I hear my children blame someone or something, that is victim thinking and it doesn't produce fruit.  Taking personal responsibility and becoming authoritative in changing a situation for the better is fruitful thinking.  If I find my children have victim thinking, where did it come from?  Most likely they learn by watching what their parents do, so I must take responsibility for this.  It is not something that I have done intentionally, but none the less it was done.  (Most of our life choices are actually made by our subconscious) It is one of my goals to step outside myself and look at how I live my life.  How I make my choices and then after I am more aware of how I operate, I can take the necessary steps to improve those choices that aren't producing fruit in my life.

While I am becoming more self aware, I think it is also important for me to find balance and not to beat myself up for any choices that aren't producing fruit in my life.  God wants me to see myself as He sees me, which is through the blood of Jesus.  Even in my own mistakes, I am righteous in His sight.  Part of the victim mentallity which used to live in me (I am currently working on it), is finding a way for something to not work, just because it would be risky for me if it actually did work.  For example, my blog is a little risky for me to be open and vulnerable and sharing my thoughts and it would be easy for me to make every reason in my head why I shouldn't blog, BUT I know that will not be producing fruit for me or my family, so I have chosen to just do it and step out and take my risk.  Risks make life exciting anyway and I don't want to be boring afterall! So instead of coming up with reasons why the success I want in life, can't happen, I choose to come up with why they can.

In the midst of all this thought, I wanted to mention a couple of things about the kids.  Yesterday Abbie complemented my cooking skills, which made me feel good, cause I am not always so confident in my cooking skills, although I am working on it.  We also had some fun outside playtime yesterday and Abbie said, you'll always be my mommy. Well, then she followed that up and said I'll always be Timmy's mommy and by I'll she meant Abbie.  This is one of the other things we are working on.  She thinks she is Timmy's mommy (I guess girls have that motherly instinct in them).  So we are working on letting her know she is the big sister and gets have fun and play with him but not tell him what to do like the mommy.  Another fun thing is Timmy's birthday chair came in the mail.  I'll have to post a pic of him sitting in it soon.  So far he has enjoyed sitting on it and reading but hasn't figured out how to climb on it himself yet.

Well that's all I have time for today, hope to post some more in the next few days:)

thoughts for the day

Abbie and I are reading the book Tangled together since she picked it out on my Kindle when I asked her what book she wanted to read.  It is a chapter book but she actually sits still as I read her a chapter a day and surprisingly she always asks for me to read another chapter.  This girl has a good attention span! Probably better than mine:) Anyways she always asks to read it herself as she does with most things in life being the independent girl that she is.  It is cute to listen to her attempt to read it to me as she talks about Flynn Rider coming up to the castle.  Another fun thing she has been doing lately is getting very excited about dress up.  She has been doing this for awhile but lately is turning into a really girl girl and she always wants to wear what she calls her "dance shoes" which are really just her nice black dress shoes.  Timmy and Abbie have been playing really well together lately which is fun to watch.  Abbie always loves to hold hands with him during car rides and when they are at home she pretends she needs rescuing from the castle and calls out Timmy John come save me and he will sometimes crawl over to her and hold her hand.  That is all the cute stuff I can think of at the moment but I'm sure something will pop in my head later and I'll have to save it for another blog post.  On the sad side of blogging, Timmy has had pink eye this last week but I think he is almost completely over it now thank God!

Timmy's first birthday

For Timmy's first birthday we had a Thomas the train party at our house just with family. It was a lot of fun having Abbie get so into celebrating her brother's birthday. We did get her something small so that she wouldn't feel left out but I'm not so sure we are going to keep that tradition. My dad was able to come which was great to have him around. Tim's family was there too of course. Here are some pictures from the big day!

Timmy's first time coloring

Thought I'd take a short moment each day to record something the kids are doing for memory sake. Today Timmy colored for the first time and Abbie made the letter D craft a doctor Doggie and she colored a steak and finish lines.