Just be

Realizing today how most of my life is consumed with all the things that I need to do. I am always so preoccupied by if I did things the "right" way that I rarely just enjoy the moment. As I was holding my little girl today just singing the pirate song as the Backyardigans was on the tv I was watching her laughing and having so much fun. It reminded me that just being with family and enjoying this life we are blessed with is an important thing to do. It is not something that can be put on a checklist, but it is something that comes before anything that would ever go on any check list. Striving to become a better person is a good thing, striving to become perfect can be a dangerous thing. Perfection cannot be attained. Always comparing yourself to a standard that doesn't exist is not good. Just being me and loving the life God blessed me with is a good thing.

It's already been almost 6 months

I cannot believe Abbie's 6 month birthday is just over a week away from now. I went to visit Ace and Vanessa's baby Ace jr. and when I held him I felt like he was so tiny I would break him just by holding him. I can't even remember Abbie being that tiny although I know that she was. It is like when you are a first time mom everything is so new and you are learning so many things that you can't possibly take it all in. Abbie was once a newborn but is no more. I am grateful for the sleeping through the night but I do miss those days when she was so tiny. As much as I miss her being so small and even miss being pregnant with her, it is so much more fun each day as she gets older and I can see more of her personality come out. She is such a happy baby. I thank God for her everyday and I know that the blessing of the Lord rests upon her life and that she will impact this world in a huge way for the Kingdom of God. Now I must take in her next 6 months of life much better because many changes are in store for us:)

friendships and revelations

Okay so I have great friends. This is my biggest asset in life, well I must say friends and family. I am sitting here at my computer typing this after talking with my best friend. She let me know something that I have considered but never really taken to heart much until now. She told me that I had mentioned the same phrase many times throughout our conversation which was that I am in the way. Well turns out that those words have spent many a time in my thought life, and because of my past I have always wondered that question in my heart wherever I go. Great news though is that I have God in my life now. I didn't always have Him with me. Having God in my life has been the greatest relationship journey I have experienced and I feel as if I have held back somewhat in this relationship in my past. I am ready to open my full heart up to God and become vulnerable and allow His word to penetrate my mind, will and emotions. I desire for His word to come in me and replace my own thoughts that are contrary to his word.

It was the first day of school today and I didn't go back to teach this year. Instead I get to have time with my darling baby girl!! I am soooo happy about this! But why is it hard for me to not return to teach? Well I loved Zaharis, the school I was teaching at, but I also formed so much of my identity and who I am in this job. It is almost like I have to form a completely new idenity now. I am so glad to have the option to spend this time with Abbie. I now feel the need to create an entirely new vision for my life. What is it that I really want in life? Through talking with my best friend I have discovered that the most important, most fullfilling thing in life is relationships. Relationships with God, my husband, my daughter, my friends, my family, etc...

So what is this blog really about? I just needed to write to get my thoughts out on paper. I might not be saying much of anything valid, but I am saying that I am not in the way. People like to have me around, and I may feel a little weird saying this but I will continue to say it. I am saying that relationships are the most important thing in my life and building good strong ones not just surfacy ones if surfacy is even a word. One other thing I realized tonight, fear that stems from past experiences produces anxiousness about future experiences. Enough said. Things that sound simple really are simple it is our desire to be complex that makes everything so difficult. Oh, and I realized that I try to make this plan out for life to run perfectly, only it doesn't. Plans are the analytical way of trying to have control over life, the only thing is you never really have control over everything.

I love life and I love God and I love being a Mom and the journey that comes with all of this