Colossians 3:23

I have been meditating on this verse over the course of the day and as it is one of my favorites I wanted to write a little about my thoughts. The activities that I do everyday effect other people and I have a desire to make a difference in this world. I want to impact the world for the better and as I give and serve and do everything that I do with my whole heart as onto the Lord, I will impact this world. It is when I hold back, am lazy, or don't give my all that I am not only hurting others by not giving my best, but I also hurt myself. I will not see the fruit of my labor if I am not dilligent. As I am pondering some important decisions about what to pursue for my future, I must remember to follow the Holy Spirit's lead and just take one step at a time and give my whole heart and best with all the passion that has been put inside of me. That is how things are created, with passion and discipline, the dreams that lie inside of you will be made visions that are seen in front of you. It is like sowing and reaping, you can't just sow your seed but forget to water it. You have to give the best care you can to your seed. And such is life, don't hold back because of fear of rejection or fear of failure, no good can come from that. I love Colossians 3:23, it might just be my favorite verse in the bible. It gives me so much motivation and revelation!

Just be

Realizing today how most of my life is consumed with all the things that I need to do. I am always so preoccupied by if I did things the "right" way that I rarely just enjoy the moment. As I was holding my little girl today just singing the pirate song as the Backyardigans was on the tv I was watching her laughing and having so much fun. It reminded me that just being with family and enjoying this life we are blessed with is an important thing to do. It is not something that can be put on a checklist, but it is something that comes before anything that would ever go on any check list. Striving to become a better person is a good thing, striving to become perfect can be a dangerous thing. Perfection cannot be attained. Always comparing yourself to a standard that doesn't exist is not good. Just being me and loving the life God blessed me with is a good thing.

It's already been almost 6 months

I cannot believe Abbie's 6 month birthday is just over a week away from now. I went to visit Ace and Vanessa's baby Ace jr. and when I held him I felt like he was so tiny I would break him just by holding him. I can't even remember Abbie being that tiny although I know that she was. It is like when you are a first time mom everything is so new and you are learning so many things that you can't possibly take it all in. Abbie was once a newborn but is no more. I am grateful for the sleeping through the night but I do miss those days when she was so tiny. As much as I miss her being so small and even miss being pregnant with her, it is so much more fun each day as she gets older and I can see more of her personality come out. She is such a happy baby. I thank God for her everyday and I know that the blessing of the Lord rests upon her life and that she will impact this world in a huge way for the Kingdom of God. Now I must take in her next 6 months of life much better because many changes are in store for us:)

friendships and revelations

Okay so I have great friends. This is my biggest asset in life, well I must say friends and family. I am sitting here at my computer typing this after talking with my best friend. She let me know something that I have considered but never really taken to heart much until now. She told me that I had mentioned the same phrase many times throughout our conversation which was that I am in the way. Well turns out that those words have spent many a time in my thought life, and because of my past I have always wondered that question in my heart wherever I go. Great news though is that I have God in my life now. I didn't always have Him with me. Having God in my life has been the greatest relationship journey I have experienced and I feel as if I have held back somewhat in this relationship in my past. I am ready to open my full heart up to God and become vulnerable and allow His word to penetrate my mind, will and emotions. I desire for His word to come in me and replace my own thoughts that are contrary to his word.

It was the first day of school today and I didn't go back to teach this year. Instead I get to have time with my darling baby girl!! I am soooo happy about this! But why is it hard for me to not return to teach? Well I loved Zaharis, the school I was teaching at, but I also formed so much of my identity and who I am in this job. It is almost like I have to form a completely new idenity now. I am so glad to have the option to spend this time with Abbie. I now feel the need to create an entirely new vision for my life. What is it that I really want in life? Through talking with my best friend I have discovered that the most important, most fullfilling thing in life is relationships. Relationships with God, my husband, my daughter, my friends, my family, etc...

So what is this blog really about? I just needed to write to get my thoughts out on paper. I might not be saying much of anything valid, but I am saying that I am not in the way. People like to have me around, and I may feel a little weird saying this but I will continue to say it. I am saying that relationships are the most important thing in my life and building good strong ones not just surfacy ones if surfacy is even a word. One other thing I realized tonight, fear that stems from past experiences produces anxiousness about future experiences. Enough said. Things that sound simple really are simple it is our desire to be complex that makes everything so difficult. Oh, and I realized that I try to make this plan out for life to run perfectly, only it doesn't. Plans are the analytical way of trying to have control over life, the only thing is you never really have control over everything.

I love life and I love God and I love being a Mom and the journey that comes with all of this

I am realizing that as a mom, you start to see parts of yourself in a deeper way that you have never seen before. That is why I decided to start a blog so I could write out my thoughts and have a way to get all the junk out of my head and fill my head with the word of God. I mean Jesus died so that we could live a redeemed life and it would be a real shame if we didn't take advantage of that. I think for so many people it is so hard to see that we are worthy of this redemption. It sounds so silly that we would have a hard time receiving the love, peace, and joy of the Lord, but I know from my own experience that this has been true in my life. I have always loved to write but I never have written, so I will start with this blog as a hobby to have some "me" time as a mom. I know it is important for me to give myself some "me" time or I won't be able to fully give of myself to my daughter, husband, other family members, students, and friends.

One thing that is on my heart this morning is a trait I spent some time asking for forgiveness from God this morning. Competiveness and judgement. I always have in the past wanted to be perfect. This desire for perfection is not healthy. If God had wanted me to be perfect, He would have made me Jesus, but He didn't and I need to accept this. I judge people, I judge myself, I even judge people that I admire. I guess to an extent all people are guilty of judging. But it says in James 4:11, "Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it." Romans 14:13 says "Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way". Today I am giving my judging spirit to God and asking Him to replace it with a spirit that sees whatever is good, noble, excellent, or praiseworthy (Philipians 4:8) As I give God my judging spirit and replace it with with grace and forgiveness, I know I will find a greater peace and will be able to live in the joy of the Lord.

Now I know although it is not healthy for me to judge all things, it is good to seek growth and improvement for myself in all areas. This is simply a matter of self evaluation, the difference between this and judgement is that there is no condemnation in self evaluation, whereas judgement is full of condemnation.

Anytime I compare or compete against others it is born out of a judging spirit so I know when these behaviors show up in my life that God loves us all equally regardless of our performance. Although because I love God, I will do my best to grow not because I want the recognition, simply because I love God.

More thoughts on this later I am out of time:)